I recently sent 2 e-mails to a woman. I suggested that we meet. I didn't assign a time or a place. Here is her reply - name blocked out to protect her privacy. I solicit opinions, was I right or wrong to respond as I did?
Her words: > It looks like we both enjoy traveling and look forward to doing more of it in the future! As far as us meeting soon, to be honest with you we would have to get to know each other much better before that happens. When I tell men that it, usually discourages them, they loose interest and move on! To me that says much more about the true personality then words could ever say because the way I see it, if I am not worth getting to know better then they are not the sincere men that I want in my life, so I hope you understand and if you don't, that's OK too, if you choose not to respond, good luck and take care! > My reply: Hello ***** It is interesting that there are, as best as I can tell, 4 camps of women online.
1. Those who insist upon meeting because you really can't know if someone has that all important "chemistry" unless you meet. Exchange more than 5 e-mail with them and they become bored and disappear.
2. Those who need time and prefer e-mail and chat to an actual meeting anytime soon. I actually had one woman want personal information from me so she could have me investigated and run a credit check! She said so! We exchanged one e-mail! She did not get the info.
3. Those who use the dating service(s) as a popularity tool - a self-esteem booster. Each day they count their e-mails! They have little intention of going with anyone at anytime soon unless of course he is a "hunk" or "money'd", or both!
4. Those who combine all of the above traits in a sincere attempt to have that special person near to them. They extend themselves just a little farther and trust, at least initially. They are flexible. They are probably the ones who manage to locate their life partner and happiness.
Many people delude themselves into thinking that it's okay to be alone, that they are happy with themselves. If this were true, what-the-heck are they doing trying to make contact on a dating service? It doesn't jell.
Being a student of social psychology, a graduate of law school and a licensed polygraph examiner, I note many of the little things that others miss. Of course when confronted by reality - these people deny it! However, the reality is usually their own words as spoken or written by only them.
Miss ******, granted that you know little about me so far; here is why I think that you are not soon to meet with me: You are speaking to me - a man. However in your brief e-mail to me you have mentioned the term "men" twice. In sentences #3 and #4. In conclusion, you wrap up your e-mail with the words that you hope that the "men" understand, but if they don't: so what! This cavalier attitude suggests that you have a large playing field of fish, excuse me, "men" and could care less!
I am far from a prophet or an oracle, and certainly no saint. But I am a few light-years ahead of most "players". I take exception to your categorizing me as "men". I am not "they". I am me. One man. I did not advocate that we meet alone, at night, and in the faraway forest away from prying eyes. Any simple public place in broad daylight would have been fine. Some women would be flattered that a man would be willing to spend the money and the time to travel a thousand miles to meet them at the drop of a hat. I see that you are not one of them.
Let me inform you that it is my personal choice to discontinue communication with you. "Have a nice day".
Okay, you the reader can tell me now, and please - say if you are male or female! Thanks.
I recently sent 2 e-mails to a woman. I suggested that we meet. I didn't assign a time or a place. Here is her reply - name blocked out to protect her privacy. I solicit opinions, was I right or wrong to respond as I did?
Her words: > It looks like we both enjoy traveling and look forward to doing more of it in the future! As far as us meeting soon, to be honest with you we would have to get to know each other much better before that happens. When I tell men that it, usually discourages them, they loose interest and move on! To me that says much more about the true personality then words could ever say because the way I see it, if I am not worth getting to know better then they are not the sincere men that I want in my life, so I hope you understand and if you don't, that's OK too, if you choose not to respond, good luck and take care! > My reply: Hello ***** It is interesting that there are, as best as I can tell, 4 camps of women online.
1. Those who insist upon meeting because you really can't know if someone has that all important "chemistry" unless you meet. Exchange more than 5 e-mail with them and they become bored and disappear.
2. Those who need time and prefer e-mail and chat to an actual meeting anytime soon. I actually had one woman want personal information from me so she could have me investigated and run a credit check! She said so! We exchanged one e-mail! She did not get the info.
3. Those who use the dating service(s) as a popularity tool - a self-esteem booster. Each day they count their e-mails! They have little intention of going with anyone at anytime soon unless of course he is a "hunk" or "money'd", or both!
4. Those who combine all of the above traits in a sincere attempt to have that special person near to them. They extend themselves just a little farther and trust, at least initially. They are flexible. They are probably the ones who manage to locate their life partner and happiness.
Many people delude themselves into thinking that it's okay to be alone, that they are happy with themselves. If this were true, what-the-heck are they doing trying to make contact on a dating service? It doesn't jell.
Being a student of social psychology, a graduate of law school and a licensed polygraph examiner, I note many of the little things that others miss. Of course when confronted by reality - these people deny it! However, the reality is usually their own words as spoken or written by only them.
Miss ******, granted that you know little about me so far; here is why I think that you are not soon to meet with me: You are speaking to me - a man. However in your brief e-mail to me you have mentioned the term "men" twice. In sentences #3 and #4. In conclusion, you wrap up your e-mail with the words that you hope that the "men" understand, but if they don't: so what! This cavalier attitude suggests that you have a large playing field of fish, excuse me, "men" and could care less!
I am far from a prophet or an oracle, and certainly no saint. But I am a few light-years ahead of most "players". I take exception to your categorizing me as "men". I am not "they". I am me. One man. I did not advocate that we meet alone, at night, and in the faraway forest away from prying eyes. Any simple public place in broad daylight would have been fine. Some women would be flattered that a man would be willing to spend the money and the time to travel a thousand miles to meet them at the drop of a hat. I see that you are not one of them.
Let me inform you that it is my personal choice to discontinue communication with you. "Have a nice day".
Okay, you the reader can tell me now, and please - say if you are male or female! Thanks.
Let me try this again. Sorry for the error in my previous post. No one wants to be typecast or victimized by a hasty generalization. Frankly, I feel a little insecure about the whole world of cybersocialization. Brytta the Scot
Let me try this again. Sorry for the error in my previous post. No one wants to be typecast or victimized by a hasty generalization. Frankly, I feel a little insecure about the whole world of cybersocialization. Brytta the Scot
OK , to each his own , but I don't think we gain anything by casting people into categories . we all have unique "value" , we all have some type of baggage ... emotional , financial , experiental ... on and on and on .. I agree with the gentleman for not wanting to be cast as the "stereotype" players . I agree with the lady about being careful . So .... , NET- Net .. Both were right and both were wrong . No BIg Deal , happens every day . Compromise ! ......... Meet soon , meet publicly , be safe , Get on with it !!!! In the extreme , you could even meet with another couple , you bring a friend , she brings one . I onlly have to listen to the nightly news to understand the desire for caution . Respect the good sense being shown and benefit from the compromise . But , as you know ...that's just my thinkin !!!
OK , to each his own , but I don't think we gain anything by casting people into categories . we all have unique "value" , we all have some type of baggage ... emotional , financial , experiental ... on and on and on .. I agree with the gentleman for not wanting to be cast as the "stereotype" players . I agree with the lady about being careful . So .... , NET- Net .. Both were right and both were wrong . No BIg Deal , happens every day . Compromise ! ......... Meet soon , meet publicly , be safe , Get on with it !!!! In the extreme , you could even meet with another couple , you bring a friend , she brings one . I onlly have to listen to the nightly news to understand the desire for caution . Respect the good sense being shown and benefit from the compromise . But , as you know ...that's just my thinkin !!!
There is nothing wrong with being careful. One has only the words of the writer to go on, and getting to know someone by writing, chatting online, exchanging photos are thoughts is the safe way to make friends. Actually the reply was in good taste, but the original writer was obviously looking for more than a friendship. If so, you should be honest from the start and not lead people on. Its better to simply say..'looking for sex or a one night stand....' rather than appearing as if you want a genuine long term friendship. If you do want a genuine long term friendship, then you need to spend a few months, or longer, getting to know someone first. I am using this same photo again..there are many instances of people not being what their profile and photos say they are.
There is nothing wrong with being careful. One has only the words of the writer to go on, and getting to know someone by writing, chatting online, exchanging photos are thoughts is the safe way to make friends. Actually the reply was in good taste, but the original writer was obviously looking for more than a friendship. If so, you should be honest from the start and not lead people on. Its better to simply say..'looking for sex or a one night stand....' rather than appearing as if you want a genuine long term friendship. If you do want a genuine long term friendship, then you need to spend a few months, or longer, getting to know someone first. I am using this same photo again..there are many instances of people not being what their profile and photos say they are.
I will agree with is saying she was a little cavalier in her attitude. However if you had only sent her 2 e-mails she was right in wanting to get to know you better. Did you suggest that you meet in a safe place in daylight>
I will agree with is saying she was a little cavalier in her attitude. However if you had only sent her 2 e-mails she was right in wanting to get to know you better. Did you suggest that you meet in a safe place in daylight>
you didnt say how long you have email/chatted with her.maybe she is just scared,you dont know what has happened before in her life. i myself would be scare to meet some one that i have email/chatted with just a few times.but i would love to find someone to send time with.so please give us a chance to get to know something about you, and you us. i dont want to know how much money you have or if you walk with a limp. but i would want to fill safe. hopeful
you didnt say how long you have email/chatted with her.maybe she is just scared,you dont know what has happened before in her life. i myself would be scare to meet some one that i have email/chatted with just a few times.but i would love to find someone to send time with.so please give us a chance to get to know something about you, and you us. i dont want to know how much money you have or if you walk with a limp. but i would want to fill safe. hopeful
You can't blame her for being careful. She obviously wanted to continue the conversation a little longer instead of rushing into it. Different strokes for different folks.
You can't blame her for being careful. She obviously wanted to continue the conversation a little longer instead of rushing into it. Different strokes for different folks.
Thanks for your reflection on the types of women on line looking for various relationships. Of course, I think I fit in #4 but I would describe myself differently. I am looking for a man that will be fun, sexy, and intellectual with interests like mine and a few of his own. I am trying to be OK alone but really prefer being in a partnership. I was married 24 years and can compromise. I have learned to not do it too much. I like sex and sensual massage but not with just anyone. So how to sort through the contacts without hurting feelings and wasting time with a man who just wants sex? I don't know but I am game to keep looking and trying. I still love to be with a man and have that perspective on life shared with me. My own interests with travel, history and reading as well as walking have led me to meet many people. No partner, as yet, but I believe it will happen if I stay open to it. Good luck and if "burned" I urge you to not be bitter. You might meet me or someone else special if you don't quit looking.
Thanks for your reflection on the types of women on line looking for various relationships. Of course, I think I fit in #4 but I would describe myself differently. I am looking for a man that will be fun, sexy, and intellectual with interests like mine and a few of his own. I am trying to be OK alone but really prefer being in a partnership. I was married 24 years and can compromise. I have learned to not do it too much. I like sex and sensual massage but not with just anyone. So how to sort through the contacts without hurting feelings and wasting time with a man who just wants sex? I don't know but I am game to keep looking and trying. I still love to be with a man and have that perspective on life shared with me. My own interests with travel, history and reading as well as walking have led me to meet many people. No partner, as yet, but I believe it will happen if I stay open to it. Good luck and if "burned" I urge you to not be bitter. You might meet me or someone else special if you don't quit looking.
And what about those of us who have not followed Oprah or could care less about her opinion of men? I think the problem is more one of one's experiences (both men and women) that have left a mark (or "baggage" as they say)with a basic distrust. For example, someone I met on line wanted to come visit me...I do not want someone I do not really know except for on line conversations to know where I live. I offered to meet him halfway and got the "don't want you to have a problem with your car, etc." and he lost interest. Tell me this isn't suspect???
And what about those of us who have not followed Oprah or could care less about her opinion of men? I think the problem is more one of one's experiences (both men and women) that have left a mark (or "baggage" as they say)with a basic distrust. For example, someone I met on line wanted to come visit me...I do not want someone I do not really know except for on line conversations to know where I live. I offered to meet him halfway and got the "don't want you to have a problem with your car, etc." and he lost interest. Tell me this isn't suspect???
OK.. but you missed the real show stopper for women "seeking" it's Oprah. Ms Winfrey has manged to place another hurdle in the path to togetherness by her endless trashing of the male. We males of course, are not all stereotypical... and the proof of Oprah's wisdom is that here disciples sleep alone... can never fully allow themselves to be the special being God created... they will never connect on anything but a superficial level. For me, the acid test.. the screening question that provides data to determine if a woman is worth going further is to inquire about her fondness of Oprah. I knew Oprah when she was starting out on her own.. she was and still traumatized by her own "Monica" experience with an older married man when she was but a teen. She never got past it. Sad, but she takes a large number of otherwise available women with her on her quest to emasculate men so the only men acceptable are suspect as to their gender preference... you know? the one that hum show tunes? So here it is guys.. Oprah and her sisterhoodrun in lockstep toward a cultural abyss and leap over like lemmings.. where's the value in that? men are people too.. we need a standard bearer.. one that isn't into either extreme prototype.. somewhere between interior decorating and calf roping.
OK.. but you missed the real show stopper for women "seeking" it's Oprah. Ms Winfrey has manged to place another hurdle in the path to togetherness by her endless trashing of the male. We males of course, are not all stereotypical... and the proof of Oprah's wisdom is that here disciples sleep alone... can never fully allow themselves to be the special being God created... they will never connect on anything but a superficial level. For me, the acid test.. the screening question that provides data to determine if a woman is worth going further is to inquire about her fondness of Oprah. I knew Oprah when she was starting out on her own.. she was and still traumatized by her own "Monica" experience with an older married man when she was but a teen. She never got past it. Sad, but she takes a large number of otherwise available women with her on her quest to emasculate men so the only men acceptable are suspect as to their gender preference... you know? the one that hum show tunes? So here it is guys.. Oprah and her sisterhoodrun in lockstep toward a cultural abyss and leap over like lemmings.. where's the value in that? men are people too.. we need a standard bearer.. one that isn't into either extreme prototype.. somewhere between interior decorating and calf roping.
